{"id":46923,"date":"2023-11-23T04:58:42","date_gmt":"2023-11-23T04:58:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.thelandmark.com\/?p=46923"},"modified":"2023-11-23T04:58:42","modified_gmt":"2023-11-23T04:58:42","slug":"lets-talk-turkey","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/devcherryroad.com\/news2\/2023\/11\/23\/lets-talk-turkey\/","title":{"rendered":"Let's Talk Turkey"},"content":{"rendered":"
By Rob Perez<\/em>
\nGuest Columnist<\/em><\/div>\n

Deep into Autumn, the season John Keats referred to as \u201cthe season of mists and mellow fruitfulness,\u201d the one thing on everyone\u2019s mind is a bird. Yes, November is the month of the turkey. How well do we really know the turkey? Sure, they bob and weave, but what else?<\/p>\n

It is time to talk turkey.<\/p>\n

Many believe the phrase \u201ctalking turkey\u201d originated with the first settlers negotiating with the indigenous people. \u201cTalking turkey\u201d means having an honest and straightforward discussion. On the one hand, I can\u2019t imagine less honest and less straightforward discussion than the negotiations than those between the settlers and the indigenous people. On the other hand, maybe the phrase \u201ctalking turkey\u201d refers to the actual terms of the deal: All of your people\u2019s land for one turkey.<\/p>\n

For Beyond Reason, talking turkey is not a metaphor. For us, we are literally going to talk turkey. Well, we\u2019re not talking, I guess. I\u2019m writing; you\u2019re reading. Thus, when we say we are \u201cliterally\u201d talking turkey, we are speaking metaphorically.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s start with a few basics. What is a turkey? The beast itself is a bird. Since we want to keep readers engaged, we will skip the fine print of domain, kingdom, phylum, etc. except to simply acknowledge that I\u2019m sure the turkey indeed has these things if someone, for some reason, though I can\u2019t imagine a reason, wants to look it up. Instead, we will turn our gaze to what people really want to know about turkeys which is: How are turkeys not extinct?<\/p>\n

Experts disagree on exactly why turkeys are not extinct, but most agree that turkeys should absolutely be extinct. But, from an evolutionary standpoint, the turkey has only two things going for it: 1) 11 months out of the year the bird inspires wild indifference in most who observe it; and 2) a turkey can fly, albeit really, really poorly.<\/p>\n

Now, in the interest of science and, more importantly, comedy, we will consider the physical appearance of a turkey. Turkeys have so many oddities in their physical appearance it will sound like I\u2019m making this up. I am not making this up. These are real parts of a turkey.<\/em> Turkeys have wattles on their necks, caruncles on the backs of their heads, beards on their chests and \u2014 I swear I\u2019m not making this up \u2014<\/em> a protuberance over (and sometimes under) their forehead and beak called a snood. Let me pause here and just say that the word \u201csnood\u201d is likely the best word you\u2019re going to read today. You\u2019re welcome. One word of warning about the snood, though. Do not Google snood images. You cannot unsee a snood.<\/p>\n

Let us continue with some fun facts about the turkey. The turkey is second, right behind the vulture, on a very short list I have called \u201cBirds I would least like to cuddle with.\u201d Turkey, the country, is named after its Turkish citizens, not the bird. The turkey is the only bird (I\u2019m not making this up!<\/em>) that migrates on foot. Flocks of turkeys often have a pecking order. To clarify: There is no actual order as to who pecks first or last. A pecking order is just a hierarchy. Atop the pecking order, flocks usually have one alpha tom who is also known as the top gobbler. I only mention this because I wonder if the term \u2018top gobbler\u2019 isn\u2019t even better than the word \u201csnood.\u201d It\u2019s neck and neck, I suppose.<\/p>\n

Finally, the best fact about a turkey is that if you really want to befuddle a foe, call them \u201ca turkey.\u201d It\u2019s such an abstract, old-timey, gentle, actual insult that it\u2019s incredibly effective.<\/p>\n

Yes, the turkey is an odd bird. I, for one, will celebrate the odd beast this evening by throwing back a glass of Wild Turkey, the robust Kentucky bourbon, not the somehow-not-yet extinct bird. Gobble gobble.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Rob Perez Guest Columnist Deep into Autumn, the season John Keats referred to as \u201cthe season of mists and mellow fruitfulness,\u201d the one thing on everyone\u2019s mind is a bird. Yes, November is the month of the turkey. How well do we really know the turkey? Sure, they bob and weave, but what else? […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":96545,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_gspb_post_css":"","_sitemap_exclude":false,"_sitemap_priority":"","_sitemap_frequency":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-46923","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-opinion"],"blocksy_meta":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/devcherryroad.com\/news2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46923","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/devcherryroad.com\/news2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/devcherryroad.com\/news2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/devcherryroad.com\/news2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/devcherryroad.com\/news2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=46923"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/devcherryroad.com\/news2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46923\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/devcherryroad.com\/news2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/96545"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/devcherryroad.com\/news2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=46923"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/devcherryroad.com\/news2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=46923"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/devcherryroad.com\/news2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=46923"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}